How to Properly Use I-Statements

You might hear a lot of times to use I-statements as techniques for better communication. But I think that some really don't understand what that means.
I-Statements are NOT:

I feel happy
I feel you don't do...
I feel you are.....
I feel upset
I do....
I think you don't do.....
etc....

They are not to simply state how you feel on the surface or to turn it around on the other person. They are not to state something about the past that you did, you felt, you think the other person did or felt.

I-statements are meant to open up the communication between two people in a non-threatening way. They are meant to stop yourself and really think about what is really going on inside of you and what is at the root of why you are feeling the way you are feeling. So it is not just to state your feeling, but to state why you are feeling that way, but still in regards to yourself so it is said in a non-threatening manner.

I'll give some examples:
One person may ask the other person when they get home, "where have YOU been?" "Who were you talking to?" Right away this puts the other person on the defensive and feel like they are being attacked. Instead, an I-statement could've been used here: "I am afraid I am going to lose you." "I am feeling insecure and began to think bad thoughts."
Another example is: "When are YOU going to stop reading that book?". Proper I-statement: "I would like to spend some time with you."

The difficultly comes I think, with our natural tendency to protect ourselves with our defense mechanisms. The person got hurt, either by reality or by their own thoughts running through their head. And the tendency is to protect yourself by attacking the other person. Instead I am asking you to be even more vulnerable by using an I-statement. That is why it is so difficult to use and why many do not use it the proper way.

But when a couple makes that commitment to stop hurting each other, you make that commitment to let your walls down, you make that commitment that you will begin to be dependent on someone to not hurt you, you can begin to use I-statements in the right way, and begin to work your way to a more intimate relationship.