Emotional Abuse Part III

Verbal abuse is a form of Emotional abuse.This includes yelling, name-calling, belittling, berating, criticizing, and threats. Constant blaming, sarcasm, humiliation, and pointing out flaws in someone or making fun of someone is also emotionally abusive. To do this over and over again to someone will diminish their sense of self and self-value.
Another form of emotional abuse is when you place overwhelming demands and expectations on another person. Like wanting constant attention, never accepting the amount of time someone gives you, and requiring that someone meets all of your needs and forgets about thier own.
Sometimes I see couples where one person will order a person to do or not to do something. This is emotionally abusive. Judging your partner, telling what they need to do or not do, invalidating their feelings and decisions, taking a one-up position, or taking that "parent" role is emotionally abusive. It says to the other person that they are not ok and not good enough.
What I see a lot of times is when a couple is in an emotionally abusive relationship and one person will totally lose their sense of self. They will not know what they want, what they think, what they feel. They will not even know what is real sometimes. What ends up happening is their boundaries have become so obsolete, they have lost themselves. Another term for this is co-dependent. So to end these cycles of abuse, the one receiving the emotional abuse will need to begin rebuilding their boundaries, and thus their sense of self.

What is Emotional Abuse? Part II

Emotional abuse is any behavior that is trying to control and enslave another person through the use of humiliation, intimidation, fear, guilt, coercion, manipulation, etc. and is emotional in nature rather than physical. Verbal abuse, constant criticism, judging, repeated disapproval, never being pleased or approving are all forms of emotional abuse.

When a person is subjected to emotional abuse over a long period of time they lose self-confidence, a strong sense of self and self-worth, and they lose trust in others and in their own perceptions. Emotional abuse damages the very life inside of someone which can be deeper and more lasting that physical abuse. Emotional abuse leads to a person feeling so under-valued that they are incapable of judging the situation realistically. They can begin to believe what is told to them and blame themselves or take fault for the emotional abuse they receive. They can then actually seek out the abuser looking for that approval and love they never receive. It shows up in their relationships with others when they seek out partners that are similar to the abusers because they feel they do not deserve any better. They tend to build up an intense fear of isolation and abandonment.


Reference: http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htmWhat%20is%20Emotional%20Abuse?

What is Emotional Abuse? Part I

Emotional Abuse is:

• Belittling
• Blaming
• Sarcasm
• Rejection
• Corruption
• Screaming
• Humiliation
• Threatening
• Name Calling
• Unpredictable Responses
• Isolation
• Deliberate withholding of love and affection
• Criticizing
• Pointing out flaws in others
• Minimizing
• Trivializing
• Invalidating
• Emotional Blackmail
• Dominating
• Denying
• Judging
• Ordering
• Control
• Expectations
• Narcissism
• Selfishness
• Demean
• Aggression
• Chaos
• Abandonment

Parenting

In the Sac Bee today there is a brief article by a freelance writer, Joyce Mansfield Syftestad, titled "A Moment of Realization With Teenage Daughter". She says that as she and her daughter went to the beach, she wanted her daughter to wait for her so they could walk together. But her daughter took off to go be a part of the fun. She says, "She was focused on where she was going, what lay ahead. And then it hit me. Rather than waiting for me, she should be looking forward, excited about the future, about what would come next. And as the parent of a teen, my job, now so glaringly clear as I saw her stride away, was to be there to watch her back."

KUDOS TO YOU, Joyce!!!!

That is exactly right! Our job as parents is to teach our children to become self sufficient adults. That does not mean teaching them to meet our needs. We need to be there to meet their needs and "watch their back".

Holding back your children because you feel you need something from them does not do them any favors. Work out your own issues on your time. Now that you are a parent, it is your job to be completely self-less, even though you didn't get that as a child. It is your turn now to meet the needs of your children. And really your parents should have been there and if still capable should still be there to meet your needs. That is the cycle. Your children are children, and is the time in their lives when they should have their parents there to meet all of their needs. And when they get older and have children, then it is the time for them to give of themselves.

We get from our parents and give to our children.