Thursday, January 22, 2009

Boundaries - Part II

The second part to begin the process of setting and maintaining boundaries is to say or do anything. After awareness of whether or not you believe what is being said either implicitly or explicitly through someone overstepping your boundaries, the next step is to then say or do something, anything! It doesn't have to be in a defensive manner, it does not have to be a conflict or confrontation. There are other ways.

It can just be a question - What does that mean? (Of course, with a non-defensive tone)

It can be a statement about what you are experiencing now - I'm a bit confused?, I don't know what to think about that?

It can be an action or gesture of doing something different than you normally do - walking away if you normally stay in emotional reactivity; staying in the conversation if you normally walk away and cut-off. Or it can be not letting the other person change the subject and saying, "Let's go back to that."

The point is saying or doing anything in response to a boundary violation will help to set and maintain your personal boundaries.