Letting Our Walls Down

Most of us who grew up in households where we didn't get what we needed (which is most of us), tend to grow up with a defense of protecting ourselves against harm and/or hurt. Then when we encounter heartbreak, our already fragile self is hurt even more and our walls go up even further. This can lead to a person who becomes very independent and does not learn to rely on other people, because other people hurt them or break their trust. This independence then leads to not letting a significant other in, which in effect can cause conflict, poor communication, and disconnect.

Part of learning to be in an intimate relationship is learning how to depend on someone else. When we have spent most of our lives up to this point, not being dependent on anyone, this is a hard task.

When conflict arises and you find yourself pushing your partner away as they are hitting that wall, stopping, taking a break and looking at what is causing you to protect yourself, can help you to remind yourself that you are bringing your past into the now.

When two people make a decision to work on their relationship and they make that commitment that they are not going to hurt each other anymore, you also have to be willing to let that wall down, trust your partner, and learn to be dependent on them to not hurt you.