Find That Old Spark, The Butterflies

I've seen where couples get to a point where they don't really like each other anymore. They focus on all the bad irritating things and create an environment of positive feedback loops, where the irritation, annoyance, attitudes, expressions become worse and escalated with each interaction. They come to counseling and want to know how to get along better.

First of all, you both need to have that willingness I spoke of a while back. Next you need to let go of those ideals and really look at your partner for who they are and begin to focus on the things that you do like, you do admire, you do appreciate. This would be a part of Solutions Focused Therapy where it says if you start to focus on solutions and strengths and positives, you will begin to feel that way. It is work. Being in a relationship takes work. It is very beneficial to constantly remind yourself what you appreciate from your partner.

Another thing I like to do that keeps that spark alive for me is to look at my husband like I am looking at him for the first time. I almost have to put everything else out of my mind and just see him as that first day I met him. I actually remind myself of all those butterflies I felt and I look at the first things that attracted me to him, like his eyes, his shyness, his generosity, his hair, etc. Don't lose those butterflies. Remind yourself of them, put yourself back in that day when you felt them for your partner. Look at your partner with those eyes and you can find that spark again, the butterflies.