When I first heard of "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, it actually took me a while to figure out what type of love I gave and what type I received. I wasn't really sure. Then I just made a guess. But I finally figured out a tip on how to determine exactly what type I like to receive.
The five are:
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Words of affection/affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Gift Giving
The interesting thing about these is that we can talk about these together (the two people in a relationship) and see that the type of love one likes to receive could be different than the type their partner likes to give or receive. Usually the type that you like to receive is the same that you give, but not always. What this can teach us is what an MFT tells me all of the time to "appreciate the differences".
So what is the tip I finally figured out? Ask yourself this fill in the blank:
I appreciate it when you....
This will tell you what type of love you like to receive. Is it an act of service, is it physical touch, etc.
I am not going to discuss tips on how to figure out what type you tend to give because it should now be adapted to your partner's needs. If you want to make your relationship work you have to make a commitment to your partner that you are not going to hurt them anymore in any way.
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