When There is a Betrayal

What is the right thing to do when one partner has betrayed the other by either cheating, being addicted to something, or lying?

What does it take for the betrayed to forgive?

The first thing is that the person who committed the betrayal needs to be sincerely remorseful. If that is detected then there is hope for the relationship to make it through this traumatic event.

I get asked a lot, "Can I ask questions about it and when is the right time to discuss it?". The answer is "Yes" and "Whenever you want". If the one who committed the betrayal is truly remorseful and wants to work through this, then they need to be open to answering any questions about it whenever the other person wants to know and not be defensive about it. In order for forgiveness to be achieved it also really helps for the one who committed the betrayal to openly discuss what emotions they are currently feeling about it. Many I-statements about how they were feeling at the time, how guilty they feel, how remorseful they are. When you put someone through that kind of trauma they need to know that you are paying for it.

After this process begins you can then start working on why it happened in the first place and both in the relationship can change to ensure a healthier relationship.